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Transcript

The American Empire’s Twilight

Tim Dillon’s Dark Comedy

America is a crazy country full of crazy people, and everybody’s just trying to suck the last few dollars out of this bloated pig corpse of an empire before the end—and I’m no different. Watch my special and subscribe to my podcast. What am I gonna fucking sit here? What am I gonna go preach on a fucking mountain? We gotta make a little money here, but make no mistake: I mean, if I’m wrong and I’d love to be wrong.

But if your attitude or your idea is that the population is gonna get smarter, healthier, and more adept at problem-solving, you’re on fucking crack. What’s next is we’ll just have these giant oscillating swings between right and left, and then I think eventually you’ll get to a point where large areas in the country are unlivable for a myriad of reasons—perhaps crime or homelessness, climate, whatever.

Very well-off or well-connected people will have these kind of enclaves. This is already happening. And then there’ll be a fight to be in one of those two groups, and then eventually a dictator, a strongman, somewhere down the line—some man or woman will come in and go, “This system’s fucked. I am going to run things.”

And they will run the things in a way, and it probably won’t be for the best, but the system will collapse. I don’t know if we’ll see it, but it will collapse. There’s no way it doesn’t. It will collapse to a degree, and someone will come in and go, “Yeah, these elections are all fake and it doesn’t matter anyway. Why do you fuckers need to vote? Here’s a coupon for a chicken sandwich.” And people go, “I like chicken,” and then people just go, “Fuck it, they don’t care.”

Then there’ll be Netflix and there’ll be Domino’s, and you’re sitting in a house and they’ll say you can’t drive today because of the climate. People go, “Yeah, it’s Tuesday, can’t get my car ‘cause of the climate.” And you’ll sit there and they’ll feed you poison and you’ll watch TV, and a few people will riot but very few, because most people will be pacified by the goodies which they’ll still probably have.

And the leader will come on and they’ll be like, “Hello everyone,” and it’ll be a celebrity. It’ll be someone you’re very familiar with, and they’ll say a couple of things, but it’s not that bad, is it? No, it’s not that bad. And they’ll feed you the propaganda and you won’t remember when you were free, and you won’t remember. And most people will be fine with that, but me and you will be dead and it won’t matter. And we’ll have experienced the best of it.

We’ll remember when you could get in a car without a tracking device. We’ll remember when you didn’t have a fucking tracking device attached to you at all times. We’ll remember when you could say what the fuck you want, alienate people, piss them off, and no one really cared. It didn’t matter because you could wake up the next day and say, “Sorry, I was drunk,” and it wasn’t on fucking Twitter. People didn’t have a record of what you did, what you said, where you were, and who you fucked and everything else.

We will remember true freedom. We’re one of the last groups of people to actually be free, and we should all thank God for that, because the hellscape that’s about to be created is going to be so bad they won’t even know how bad it is. It won’t even feel like they’re in prison, because those offices we talked about—people get to like them. “Oh, there’s creamer today! French vanilla, it’s your favorite.” Yeah, it’s coming. It’s coming.

It’s gonna be so bad it won’t even feel bad, but we’ll be like, “Shit, remember when you could do all those things you can’t do anymore?” But you know, there’ll be a few people that remember it, and then they’ll take all those books about that shit and burn the fuck out of them. They’ll go, “Well, those aren’t good—racism, homophobia,” and burn, burn, burn. And people will forget when you were free, and they will just kind of create a society based on goodies—little goodies, little rewards—and the addiction to celebrity, where our leaders will all be celebrities who will tell you on closed-circuit television how good things are going. And you’ll go, “Good, thanks.“​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Andre J de Saint Phalle is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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